I like shiny things but sometimes you just have to start somewhere

On perfectionism, procrastination and the myth of being ready

Many moons ago, in January 2018, an exhausted, broken version of me started a new Instagram account. I’d had one hell of a year in 2017 and was desperate to find a way to make life feel magical again. But the lights had gone out. I had nothing left to give. I wanted answers but all I had was questions. I was clutching at straws. I was looking for signs.I was determined to somehow find a way to claw my way out of the dreary hole I’d found myself in, but I had no idea where to start.

When I happened upon an old deck of tarot cards in an unpacked box from a house move four years earlier (I mean, that’s another procrastination story) it felt like the sign I had been waiting for. The teenage witch version of me began to stir! A flash of inspiration! Possibility! Potential! The tiniest bright spark in the dark! I decided, there and then, that the way I would find magic in 2018 would be one mystical adventure at a time. And that documenting said adventures on a public Instagram feed might keep me accountable on the path to inner peace.

The tricky thing was, I wasn’t ready. Instagram was awash with perfectly curated, colour co-ordinated feeds back then and I so that’s what I thought I needed to create if I was going to switch from private pics of friends and family to a public account. But I had nothing. No glossy perfect images. No glamorous locations to tag. No desire to plaster my face all over the internet. No army of online friends to hype up my terrible pictures of the moon. I didn’t even know what to write. Feeling like a writer with no words was the most unbearable part. And I was way too fragile for things like courage or conviction or blowing caution to the wind.

Back then, magazines and newspapers weren’t falling over themselves to publish insights into the next full moon. I felt like I was striking out in a weirdo niche that was going to out me as other. I was certain of two things and two things only. One: no one would care what I was doing or what I had to say. And two: anyone that did see my posts would think I was totally cringeworthy and ridiculous.

Overthinking for the win, right?

I can’t recall exactly what magical force led me to press pause on my doom spiral and press post instead but the evidence is there for all to see – should you happen to have the time and inclination to scroll back through seven years of inspirational quotes about new beginnings and crystals! I’ll spare you and post it below! One faceless photo. One vaguely mystical T shirt (I think I still have it somewhere). A grand total of 15 likes. Not a single comment. I was right no one really cared…but that was both the bad news and the good news. And also the point of this substack post – if you were wondering when I might get to it.

It’s so easy to convince yourself you’re not ready and that what you have to share with the world isn’t important enough or good enough. It’s so easy to put something off until you have the time to make it perfect. It’s so easy to say ‘No’ to that offer because you don’t think you’re qualified enough or good enough or you’d rather wait until you’ve lost half a stone and had your nails done. It’s so easy to become paralysed by fear of rejection or ridicule or getting cancelled that you don’t dare post anything at all on your account with no followers. I mean, that is ridiculous! And I’m talking to myself here as much as anyone else.

It’s so easy to just keep waiting and waiting and waiting. Waiting until you’ve sorted the branding out. Waiting until you have more time. Waiting for life to change. Waiting for the New Year. Waiting for the summer. Waiting for inspiration to strike. Waiting forever.

I know this because that’s exactly what I’ve been doing with this Substack.

I knew from the first moment I heard of this platform that it was the one for me. I love that it’s a place where writers can actually write and the people who want to read what they have to say can do just that. I love the Substacks I subscribe to that appear in my inbox (mostly on Sunday mornings it seems) and make the day feel better and more inspiring. I love that it’s also a place where readers can choose to invest in and support writers whose work they find helpful or worthwhile. Ways for writers to actually get paid for what they are good at are few and far between sometimes. I’m not saying it’s all about the money here just that I think paying for good writing matters. To me anyway. Most of all I love that this isn’t just another way to spend your days working for Mark Zuckerberg. And let’s face it… every time we post on Instagram or reshare an awkward Facebook post from 2007 we’re making more money for a man who already has all the money.

I set myself up a profile here FOUR YEARS AGO.

And guess what? I’ve been waiting for it to be perfect. I need a perfect niche and a perfect theme, I’d tell myself. Wouldn’t it be great if I had a few months of posts ready to go, I’d think as I shut my laptop. And obviously I can’t do anything without a proper plan and a shiny new banner and a perfect name and some beautifully crafted About page intro text. And maybe I should learn how to use all the features properly before I get started. I mean, I also need to wait until I have more time. I need to know I can really commit. And that won’t be until after I’ve finished this book. Or this proposal. Or until I’ve found more actual paid work. And someone said I should focus on my website and existing newsletter and not start this until I’ve got those running like clockwork and maybe they’re right. And…and…and..

If I've learnt one thing it’s that nothing is ever runs like clockwork in my world.

And remember that imperfect instagram post from January 2018?

Well that became an account that connected me to people and places and experiences and teachers and makers and magical workshops where I drank mugwort tea and communed with spirit guides. My posts weren’t perfect. They’re still not perfect but people found them and connected with them all the same. I met people through that account who remain friends and colleagues and supporters and inspirations.

Eventually my 2018 mystical year became more of a mystical lifestyle choice. I started writing a blog about my experiences. People in my real life started to show an interest in what I was doing. Suddenly this wasn’t just a niche online thing.

I started running full and new moon circles where I live because I wanted to go to one but couldn’t find anything anywhere. I created something magical and the right people found me. I started doing online tarot readings. I learnt reiki. I got a column writing horoscopes for one of my favourite magazines. Most importantly I felt a hell of a lot better about life, the universe and everything.

One day in the middle of the pandemic a connection I’d made through my moon sessions introduced me to her brother who was an agent. He was looking for someone who might be able to write an astrology book but even though I wasn’t ready and nothing I had to show him was perfect I found myself saying I had an idea for another book too.

That book was A Year of Mystical Thinking: Make Life Feel Magical the story of the mystical year that changed my life. The time between speaking the words ‘I have an idea for another book’ aloud and signing on the dotted line with my publisher was a matter of weeks.

That book was published in 2021 and I still get messages and DMs and emails now from people who read it and loved it and read it again and credit it with changing their outlook on life.

That book isn’t perfect. But people read it and connect with and find magic in it all the same.

I’m not sure my next book (The Astrology Almanac) was perfect either. But this isn’t meant to be a rundown of everything I’ve done since 2018 so I’m going to stop before I write out my CV here.

The point is that if I waited for this Substack to be perfect I would never publish it. And then you would never read it. I’ve been doing the same with my next book proposal. Writing and writing and writing and convincing myself I can do better until what I’ve actually done is nothing in particular for over a year.

Well that stops now. Because I’m pressing publish on this and I know that the right people will find it. And I’m writing the proposal. And I’m determined to ditch the self doubt and perfectionism that holds me back in 2025 and I’m imploring you to do the same.

Write your own substack. Get to work on your passion project. Start the course. Read the book. Plan the event. Apply for the job. Ask for what you deserve. Take the photo. Wonder if it’s good enough. Post it anyway. Make the website live. Speak a dream into existence. Tell someone how you feel. Wear the outfit. Light the candles. Stop waiting. Because none of us are ever truly ready and nothing is ever perfect.

And the real magic lies in action. In taking a step forwards. Because you really do have to be in it to win it. Because it’s better to regret something you have done than something you haven’t done, Because life is short. Because you have something to share with the world. Because the world is ready. Because we can only learn and grow if we allow ourselves to learn and grow. Because nothing changes if nothing changes.

Because chasing perfection is a path to nowhere. Because being ready is a myth.

And that’s a really long way of saying, Welcome to my new substack… Real Life Magic. I might change the name later down the line. I might start writing about one thing and end up writing about another. I definitely won’t be perfect. But it will be here.

I’m not even going to add another picture even though I actually do have some nice shiny ones these days. Because that’s how I roll in 2025.